Scarred to Love

Sometimes I mess up. I do stupid things...Not on purpose, but because I'm human.

There are days when I wrestle demons of the past. Days when my experiences tell me to handle a situation a certain way. Not because of what MIGHT happen, but simply because of what has already happened to me. I learned my lessons well. Like a straight "A" student.
I regret that I have scars in my life. I wish I could make them go away. I suspect they will always be with me. The scars were part of the healing. The places where the hurt was so deep, the fear so strong, the things I saw were so evil... that I bled. From my heart. That deepest part of me where the love lives. The scars formed eventually and covered those places over ...marking me, in a way.
I can say that I am healed. I can laugh. I can remember parts of the tough years and not feel pain...now. It took a long time to get here, tho'. But healing does not negate what happened. Healing does not rewire the brain. Healing does not automatically make everything in life crystal clear.

And that's why I accidentally disappointed someone I care about recently. I long to make it up to them in some way, but I know that's impossible. Some things cannot be undone.

I can't even say how sorry I am. I don't have the words or the emotional strength to wade into the muck up to my neck and try to explain all the "whys". I just want that person to know that I am sorry for what happened to us both and for the way I handled the information, and mostly....that I love them.

I wish I could show them the visions that I see. I see everything being okay. Not because I am a dreamer, but because I believe with all my heart that the love of God is more powerful than any other force in existence. I believe and I know, from the very center of my being, that I can trust God to make everything right....even if I can't see any way for that to happen.

I know this because I have experienced God's love. My wounds made me more vulnerable than I ever was before. And right in the middle of all the pain...He reminded me. He warmed me. He showed me His love in a thousand ways. Because of my wounds and scars I became open to seeing what I should have already known...I am loved...anyway and always. I wish my wounds didn't also make me scarred, because sometimes those scars get in the way of good decisions, but I would never trade the lessons of love I received through the wounds.

Love is the center of the Gospel. Every. Other. Thing. Hangs on Loving God and Loving others. Why and how can we love God and others? Because He loved us first!

I know with absolute certainty that Jehovah is my provider. He is my everything. His love will shield, hold, shelter, comfort, protect and heal me. And He longs to do that for you, too. All morning I have been meditating on a verse in Romans:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.Romans 8:38-39 New International Version (NIV)

It's so good to open up the Bible and read the verses in context. The meaning holds true. God doesn't save us because we deserve it. He didn't save us after we got all cleaned up and good. He saved us while we were yet sinners. Meaning, He already did the saving. All we have to do is accept it. We will never have the power to be good enough on our own. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot love enough. We cannot wash our own sin away. We are a mess. And by His glorious and amazing grace, we can be rescued. We can be loved and know love. We can be cleaned up. The mess can become beautiful. BUT...He will never allow us to do it without Him. Who needs a saviour if we have the power to do our own saving? What would be the point?

Because He cares that much about me, about you. about our messes, He will do what is needed to fix our screw ups. He isn't surprised by the events in our lives and He isn't overwhelmed.

Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear. Is. 59:1

The greatest story ever told was the story of God's plan to save humankind. It is the first love story..and it will be the last love story. No love story will ever compare to that one. Every romance or love story that has ever happened or ever been told is only a flimsy reflection of the GREAT LOVE that we all desperately long for. All of creation groans with the miserable waiting until our groom, the great and mighty Son of God comes to SAVE us... to sweep us off our feet. To do for us what we do not deserve by ourselves.

He has already made us God's children. We already have provision and authority and all the other privileges that come with being a child of a king. Now, we wait for the eternal marriage. Waiting for the wedding day by inviting as many guests to come as we can. Sharing with everyone how perfect and loving and gracious and kind is our Father in heaven.

This is the hope I live by. These are the things that help me wake up and sing each day. The eternal and unimaginable Love of God is what rocks my world. And it is because of that Love that I humbly confess my faults. I ask for forgiveness for my mistakes and I Love others with the Love that was so graciously bestowed on me.

If you struggle with guilt, if you have ever been terribly and deeply wounded, or if you struggle to see yourself as extremely valuable, you need to let my words sink in to your heart. It's time to realize that NO ONE is guiltless without Jesus. And that is the way it is. Period. Humans are sinful. Period. Even humans that try hard to be good.

YOU ARE VALUABLE just like you are. GOD LOVES YOU right where you are.

There is a love so big and so wide and so deep that you can fall into it for eternity and never find the bottom. It's for you...through Jesus.

Shared with:
Wholehearted Wednesdays